Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize