dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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