Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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