We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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