for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
