Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
