Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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