Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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