so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
