I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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