Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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