Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
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