maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize