forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
