you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
