I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
worst night to have a conscience
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
