Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
