you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
There's always time for handjobs
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
