mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
