I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
