I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
