i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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