I want to make a zoo with you.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
