Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
