Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
