Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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