Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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