I skipped work to stalk him.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize