i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
