he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
