cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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