why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
