Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
