I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
