my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
