I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
