Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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