Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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