I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
