how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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