I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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