All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize