I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
