Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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