just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
