last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Boobs speak an international language.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
