Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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