can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
