if i can run in heels then i can drive
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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