i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize