he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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