You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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