Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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