its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
