Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The power of my boobs compel you
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
