before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You were trust falling into bushes
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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