According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
