you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
try to milk me bitch
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