i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize