True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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