I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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