College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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